Glasgow is a city of big personalities. Put simply, we’re no “big fearties.” It takes a lot to get us riled up and worrying that something is really going to go wrong. But no matter how brave we think we are, there are still possible outcomes that terrify even the fiercest weegie – and what better day than National Face Your Fears day to get them all out in the open?

Perhaps it is the blessing of being so gloriously pessimistic as a city. How bad can it really get, eh? Well, we wracked our brains to come up with the top 5 things that would genuinely scare a true weegie, and if we’re being honest, we’ve given ourselves the fear a wee bit.

Which fear gives you the most chills?

National Face Your Fears Day 2017: Biggest Weegie Fears

People Make Glasgow National Face Your Fears Day
Image: Go Out Searching

1- Being Asked How Many People Actually Make Glasgow

Picture the scene … you’re in the final round … of the pub quiz. AND NO JUST ANY PUB QUIZ. It’s something called University Challenge and there’s nae booze but the prize is pretty good and you’ve one more question to get right to win it.

The other team are there, and you both know that yours has the best name. Agatha Quiztie can get tae, this prize is ours!

But then, the last question is read out by a smug looking quizmaster:

How Many People Really Make Glasgow?

And your heart near enough stops. You try desperately to visualise that big pink sign, is the answer on there somewhere? Written on the Duke of Wellington’s cone, maybe?

Actually, I swear once I found the answer scribbled on the toilet wall in Nice n Sleazys. Think. THINK!

The buzzer goes, and Agatha steps up. How did you get that one wrong?? You wish you’d paid more attention on that big red bus tour you took a few years back.

National Face Your Fear Day - irn bru shortage
Image: Wikipedia

2- A National Irn Bru Shortage 

Anyone who says they don’t like Irn Bru just hasn’t tasted it with a hangover. This miracle orange fizz can cure most illnesses (that might not be true) as well as magically dispelling the sense of despair that comes from a heavy night on the sauce. If we were ever to wake up greeted by the dreadful news that the girders had stopped producing the miraculous beverage… Glasgow would probably come to a standstill. We get shivers just thinking about it. National Face Your Fears Day or not, we need a bru in hand to get us through.

national face your fears day Glasgow Uni Helter Skelter
Image: Geograph

3- The Glasgow Uni Helter Skelter Ride Really Being an April Fools

For many months, the university tower was draped in mysterious scaffolding. A conspiracy was rife – surely it wasn’t just renovation works? Surely there was something more? Then, on the first day of April 2017, the news finally leaked and Twitter exploded.

The top-secret work was nothing less than a HELTER SKELTER RIDE! How exciting! Glasgow Uni students were giddy imagining how quickly they could get from The Square to the St Andrew’s Building, and Strathclyde students were furtively researching how to transfer schools.

There were rumours abounding that it was an April Fools. Then it was confirmed as an April Fools … but we don’t believe that for a second. That was just a rumour made up to keep dafties off the scent, and keep the queues down for the rest of us! Can you imagine if it was actually a jest? Terrifying.


4- Billy Connolly’s Pal Not Even Having a Bike

If you don’t know the reference off the cuff, then have a wee watch of the video to get acquainted (and are you really a weegie?)

This wee joke is one of the Big Yin’s best known, but surely we aren’t the only ones having nightmares about the murderous weegie with a lack of bike parking space. The pal in the story seems psychopathic enough as it is. But if he doesn’t even have a bike to park?! That’s a horror story in the making.

Good luck sleeping tonight now that we’ve put that idea in yer heid.

5- Getting Kicked Out the Subway for Being Anti-Social

Glasgow Subway takes rude people seriously. If there’s only two of you on the platform, then you’d better conjure up your best chat. Anti-social behaviour will not be tolerated, and being escorted off the wee toy train for not making conversation with your fellow travellers is the height of embarrassment. Listen to SPT and don’t let your fears come to fruition. Bring your banter every time you travel!

Have we missed out your biggest fear? Let us know in the comments, and good luck facing your fears today, Glasgow…